Thursday, November 3, 2011

I am a Debt Collector........

Today, I received an e-mail from a retarded fake debt collector... They have called me several times and I will usually answer the phone if I need a good laugh. They love to use acronyms like FBI and CIA and IRS....They tell me that they are calling from the FBI....Fugitive Business Investigator...Things like that. When they call me, they are probably on a laptop in the middle of a busy market and have accents as thick as molasses. I laugh and go along with it and show them how concerned I am about being arrested and handcuffed..... I then break down in fits of laughter and tell them how much I love to get arrested because the mugshots turn out better than Sears portrait studios Holiday pictures.
Keep in mind that I am a debt collector and have been for the past 20 years. I am fully versed in the Fair Debt Collection Practices and LOVE a good threat. Just when they are looking for a retard to extort money from....they find me! **SIGHS** Enjoy.....
The e-mail...

From: IC3xxxxxx
Sent: Wednesday, November 2, 2011 11:55 AM
Subject: Reference - Account Number 3368; Subject - Lawsuit

This is in reference to your Account number 3368 with ACS in order to notify you that after making several calls to you on your phone number, we were not able to get hold of you. So the IC3xxxx (Internet Crime Complaint Center) has decided to mark this case as a flat refusal and press charges against you.

We are hereby informing you regarding this and know your final words on this in reference to your amount pending which is $986.45

Do revert back if you want to get rid of these legal consequences and make a payment arrangement within the next 48 hours or else the case will be downloaded against you.

Once the case is downloaded the creditor has entire rights to inform your employer regarding this and if you are found guilty under the bench of jury then you have to bear a law suit which will be amounting to $4515.85 and will be totally levied upon you and that would be excluding your bail charges, your attorney charges and the due amount pending on your name $986.45

Best Wishes,

Morris Anderson
Sr. Investigation Officer
ACS Incorp
Direct – xxx.374.6411
Fax - xxx.402.7610

Now if I had been the average gullible person, I might have been a wee bit upset....Thankfully, I am not or I may have reacted like......


Dear retarded inbred,

      I suggest you re-read the Fair Debt Collection Practices the next time you decide to e-mail me. This e-mail does not have a name associated for whom you are trying to contact. I suggest you check your facts and please charge me with whatever crimes I have NOT committed. There are NO JAILS for people who owe debt. I would strongly urge you to Google a more fitting letter template and fill it out properly prior to sending it out over the Internet and making yourself and the people you represent look like the assholes you already are. I have marked this e-mail as "SPAM" and have also forwarded it to the Federal Trade Commission in helping them combat retards such as yourself and "company".
    Also take a moment and shop for an expandable hard-drive since you have plans on "downloading"me....My ass is pretty big so you may not have enough room on your V-Tech computer. One more thing before I get bored responding, to your limp attempt, at extorting money from people...some of which you are not mentally equipped to deal with...Like me!
   The last thing...I know cows in your country are sacred animals so, just for you over the next 30 days, I will consume roughly 30 of your deceased relatives as I bite into a variety of beef dishes. I will also feed my husband and children the same amount....maybe more...Hope this sits well with you.

 Here are a couple of pointers for the next time you call me:
1. Don't use names like John James or Peter Smith or Morris Anderson and have a THICK middle-eastern accent and expect ANYONE to believe you. If you name is proud of it because it's super unique!
2. Try some software to buffer out the background noise that I hear when you call...The car horns and the 5000 bicycle bells I hear.

3. Stop using Majik-Jack it only adds to how completely incompetent you inbreeds really are.
 Until then my little pet, I will await my arrest....and groovy new handcuffs that I will use on my husband....not for anything sexual...just until I get done using all the credit cards in his wallet!

 The person NOT named in your limp e-mail.

Hope this is what you look like by the time you get to the end of reading this e-mail I sent to you....

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