Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Where Do You Shop For Make-up, Home Depot?

First, let me apologize for any of the following: misspellings, grammar, punctuations and language!




When you live in a small town, you sometimes recognize people....maybe they're someone you went to school with or a friend-of-a-friend, or they are the parent(s) of someone you went to school with. Either way, you recognize them! Living in Easley, you have 3 choices for buying grub...1.) Hardees  and 2.) The Minute Diner! I happened to be pillaging at Ingles when, I noticed a blond lady pushing a buggy...I knew that face!!



As she got closer, although aged and painted... Yep, this was/is someones mom. She stood about 5'9 and maybe 200 lbs., bottle blond hair and make-up compliments of Maaco!




Let me just add this so you may be clued in to who this might be! Her daughter was maybe 1 or 2 grades below at Easley.....(you may rest easy DWD)! This broad works in the school system of Oconee county...........Anyways, when she stopped right beside me in the aisle, my ADD kicked in and I could feel myself beginning to stare. Her hair had been colored so blond over the years, that NASA could spot her without using the Hubble telescope! Her make-up was applied by using a Wagner sprayer or a putty knife. The expression she has always had on her face, was complete arrogance. In order for the "common" person to achieve this look, he or she must take cat crap and place it on their upper lip!



She never speaks, never smiles and never seems happy. Her clothing...I have no complaints. She is always very well put together and never a wrinkle (other than her face) in her clothing.



Let’s pause for a moment and think of her family....Are they honest with her when she asks, "How do I look?" Negative, they are liars! I believe her family should set daily limits on the amount a make-up she spackles on in the morning....Kinda like those pill organizers; but for make-up. In this small, southern town, I am sure she attends a "religious" center. PRIDE is one of the se7en sins that is spoken about. It is often defined as the following;



***In almost every list pride (or hubris or "vanity") is considered the original and most serious of the seven deadly sins, and indeed the ultimate source from which the others arise. It is identified as a desire to be more important or attractive than others, failing to acknowledge the good work of others, and excessive love of self.**



With that said, how does she feel when she putty's her face before going to her "center"? Is she contradicting herself?? Are her loved ones aiding and abetting this frowned upon behavior?? What about the people who whisper about her as she passes by? When they leave at noon and go out to eat, do they mention her?? YES....and if she or her family thinks otherwise....she is sadly mistaken!



OK...where was I ....OK, lets call her Linda. As soon as I have typed this name, some of you KNOW who I am talking about! Hell, some of you may be related to her!



This is just a random note to remind people that just because you may have fancy "packaging", does not guarantee that the "inside" is just as fancy! AND the next time someone asks, "How does this look?"......TELL THEM THE FREAKIN' TRUTH.......someone MAY just recognize them and know they are indeed related to YOU!!

Mr.Leary...I love you!

"I'm the enemy because I like to think. I like to read. I'm into freedom of speech and freedom of choice. I'm the kind of guy that could sit in a greasy spoon and wonder, gee, should I have the T-bone steak or the jumbo rack of barbecue ribs or the side order of gravy fries? I want high cholesterol. I would eat bacon and butter and buckets of cheese. Okay? I want to smoke Cuban cigars the size of Cincinnati in the nonsmoking section. I want to run through the streets naked with green Jell-O all over my body reading Playboy magazine. Why? Because I might suddenly feel the need to. Okay, pal?" -

-- Denis Leary